a random ramble.

It's 1 a.m. and I'm wide awake. I'm sitting here in my office listening to Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You" on headphones...reminds me of college...sitting at Bongo Java until midnight reading books and drinking coffee...young and clueless and feeling invincible. Caffeine will do that to you.

Kierstin and I just got back from a trip out to South Carolina for a little family get-together. My parents and brothers and sister-in law were all there...even Sam the dog made the trip... It was fun to see everybody and be reminded of family in these dark times. So much war and despair...environmental catastrophes, earthquakes, global warming (?) etc etc. Tim LaHaye must be packing his rapture suitcase for the ride out of here.

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.....fine enough to have taken a few months away from blogging. I really needed to dive in on my new songs and just disconnect for a while. I've spent the last few months playing some shows but mostly I've been reading and writing new music. We start recording in a just a couple weeks and as of right now we are still planning on a fall release (October?) but don't quote me on that. I've had a really difficult time writing this new record...I've ditched a good number of songs and scrapped them to start over. There's been a lot of days that I wasn't sure if I had anything left to say or that I could even do another record...it's a strange thing to be your own worst enemy. I've been sorting through a lot of personal stuff that has, not surprisingly, surfaced in my new songs and it's just weird to let some of that stuff out there.

I've been missing Rich Mullins a lot lately. I can't believe it will be 9 years since he died. What a loss. Kierstin hung a cool picture of Rich with a crazy beard in our living room a few months back. Ben Pearson took it during the "Liturgy, Legacy" sessions and Rich looks pretty wasted..just worn out. His face has this intense expression...

I love Rich's music but as I've grown older it's his message and actions that mean the most to me...and I think that's what really impacted me about him.

Rich Mullins and Phil Keaggy were two huge reasons I moved to Nashville in 1996. I came here to study music at Belmont but underneath it all it was Phil and Rich who drew me here b/c so much of their music was made here. Nashville was this mysterious place to me...it still is in a lot of ways.

I came here looking for music and mentors and I found both. That's my tendency...to find older men to latch onto and be mentored by. Phil became my friend and mentor, as well as Scott Brown, Dave Schober, Monroe Jones, Ken Lewis, Al Andrews and Kevin Twit. All of these men have impacted me profoundly and I can look back now and see it so clearly even as they are still impacting me. I'm thankful that I can be changed. You just get so sick of yourself, you know? Your crap and your weakness. It's hard to see the jewel of the Gospel when you are so obsessed with yourself.

I was telling Kierstin how after Rich died, on September 19, 1997, that significant events seem to happen in my life around that time.... Kierstin and I got married on September 18, 2004 and I signed my ill-fated record deal on September 19, 2003. Weird.

Life is a mysterious journey. I've been reading a Dan Allender book about how your life is story that God is authoring and He invites you to participate and listen to your life...to listen to your story. So I've been listening.

We bought a piano last June and I've been playing quite a bit. We've also planted a nice size garden in the backyard that I've been caring for. I think we've planted close to 10 different kinds of trees along with various shrubs and perennials. It's really peaceful and beautiful.

Cason was over a few weeks ago and I was showing him all the plants...explaining each one. I was pretty excited about it and sort of caught myself and asked him if he thought I was obsessed with gardening. He reminded me that God told us all to subdue the Earth. Well, we've certainly subdued our backyard...let me tell you! I'll post some pics here sometime. We love it.

It's almost 2 and I should try to sleep. Thanks for reading.